changes


last night I read through all the things I had blogged about and couldn’t believe how much my life has changed over the past year.

I was reading about how when I first started this blog it was all about my break up with toni and how I couldn’t see my self with out him and now a year on I’m completely over him.

I then read about how when I first started seeing Ian I didn’t really like him and didnt think he was that good looking. I then started to write about how I really wanted a future with him and could see my self being with him for years and years.

I then fell pregnant twice and had to battle with the idea of weather to keep my baby’s or not and ended up losing both baby’s.

and now Im not with Ian anymore and I’m going through the same feelings that I was going through with toni.

I would have never expected to have gone through so much in one year.

things with Sam don’t seem to be going no where and it’s not like I want them to get serious any time soon as I don’t feel mentally stable enough to start a new relationship yet. I would like to know that he wasn’t going to muck me about tho. I sometimes get the feeling that maybe he is seeing other people and I wouldn’t like that if he turned out to be a player.

but then how would I ever know because we don’t know each others friends and he lives in a different town that’s a twenty minute drive from mine.

he can be very shady tho because he will sometimes make plans and then when I mention them he takes ages to reply back and then won’t mention them and will change the subject.

he says that he really likes me and would like to keep seeing me and sometimes he says things like if things get serious then you can meet my mum or I will then tell my friends about you.

I do worry but then I think maybe I’m thinking into it to much and I’m just so worried about getting hurt right now that I’m thinking of reasons to not like him.

god my head is just so messed up :-(.

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