iv been trying to start fresh these past few weeks. I realised I couldn’t keep pineing over Ian if he could treat me the way he did and doesn’t want anything to do with me.
I’ve started seeing a guy called Sam that I mentioned briefly in my last blog. I met him off plenty of fish and on the first date we went to a pub and just had a laugh. on are second date I went round to his flat and we chatted until the early hours of the morning and just fell asleep in each others arms.
I then went and stayed round his flat again on are third date and ended up getting very drunk (which he thought was very funny) and falling asleep in his arms again. when I woke up the next morning we were cuddling and kissing and we ended up having sex.
I was quite shocked after because I wouldn’t usually sleep with someone unless I had been seeing them for more than a month. but it just felt right and I felt complety comfortable with him.
it’s very hard moving on with someone else because I still love Ian very much and I know it will take a long time for me to get over him as we went through so much together.
I don’t miss him as much as I used to which is a really good thing. but I do still think about him from time to time and when I see a photo of the pair of us, I see how happy we were together and that still makes me very upset.
I will never get over the way he treated me while I was pregnant and sometimes I blame him because of all the stress he caused me.
I know it wasn’t really anybody’s fault that my baby died but I seem to get very angry and blame everyone around me but I guess that is just part of my grieving proses.
I know I will have another baby one day but I hope that it will be when I’m in a happy relationship with somebody who loves me very much and will support me. I also hope that I will be financially secure and will be around all the people I love.