suckish


OK well things haven’t been going to great at the moment, i haven’t heard from Ian and even when i messaged him about the miscarriage. he has completely cut me out of his life and it sucks because all i can think about is all the good times and the bad times. everything reminds me of him (music, TV programs, sayings,adverts, movies and people. 

Ive tried to move on and even started talking to people but all i want is to see him and for things to go back to how they used to be. I blame my self for the break up even tho i know i shouldn’t as he acted a twat about me and the baby.

also my sister announced last week that her and her boyfriend are trying for a baby, I’m very happy for them but I’m also annoyed how my family didn’t have any concern for me as they all sat there for an hour and a half talking about baby’s and pregnancy and it broke my heart. and then when i was upset about it my family just kept taking the Micky saying i had a face liked a smacked arse.

and the worse thing is today i got a message from a friend on facebook asking how me and bump where and i know they were only doing it to be nice but it made me very up set and i felt bad about having to tell them what had happened as i knew it would make them feel like they have put there foot in it.

then when my older sister was on the telephone with her sons dad today she was doing a video message and he saw me and said wow Louise your bump is getting really big. i couldn’t believe it i felt like crap, even tho he didn’t mean it in that way it made me feel like he was saying i was fat.

Last week i found out that my good friend kyle has been told by his girlfriend that he wasn’t allowed to talk to me because she saw me as a fret. at the moment i just feel like I’m losing everybody i love and care for.

I started talking to Toni again but only as a friend but he wants a lot more but I’m over him and could never get back with him as it wouldn’t be fair on him. because i would just be going out with him for company. i have tried talking to him but he wont listen to me and he keeps telling me how much he loves me and would love nothing more than us getting back together. Ive talked to his friends but they don’t understand they think I’m just worried that things will go wrong between us.

Also i signed back up to plenty of fish the dating website i was on about a year ago and the one that i met Ian off and i went on a date with a guy, he was really nice but we just didn’t click and then when i looked at his facebook i saw all the statuses saying that he was still in love with his ex. so we stopped talking but i then started talking to another guy called Sam and he is really nice we went on a date and got on really well. i got a bit tipsy but he didn’t seem to mind and then we arranged to meet again yesterday but he had forgot that he promised to look after his nephew so we rearranged it for today. but i haven’t heard anything from him all day and then when i text him he didn’t text back. i had a look on facebook and saw a status saying an old friend off his had passed away. I realised that it is probably the reason i haven’t heard from him and i totally understand as losing a friend is horrible and i couldn’t blame him for not wanting to meet up when he is upset. 

I don’t want to move on to fast as i know its not fair to start a relationship with someone when I’m in love with someone Else but i also realise that i need to move on because Ian doesn’t seem bothered that we ended and is already having relations with other girls and it really hurts but when the same thing happened with Toni I met Ian and move on and i felt better for it so maybe that what i need to do to get over Ian.

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5 Responses to suckish

  1. brittany says:

    I’m so sorry for you loss. It’s sad that your loved ones are being inconsiderate of the fact that you are grieving the loss of a child. I don’t know what that feels like personally but I can’t imagine it feels good! I know you are hurting and trying to find a way to heal but try not to get lost in your loss. Find a silver streak in every dark day. I will keep you in my prayers.

  2. I am sorry for your loss and for the emptiness of your life.
    I am not going to tell you what I think. That would not be welcome.
    But thanks for the follow.

  3. Jackie Jones says:

    It always feels like we can’t possibly get through difficult moments in life when we’re smack dab in the middle of them and I apologise if I sound too cliche but, you will overcome all of this hurt and negative feeling and feel better. As for feeling like you’re losing everyone you care about, just remember, if that’s really happening and you’re not contributing to this ‘mass exodus’, you might also need to consider those you hold closest to you. I wish you only the best, have a great week :).

  4. tameekamarie says:

    Sorry for your loss as well! Sad to hear the difficulties that you are experiencing, but I think it’s time you look out for what makes you happy and no one person can do that. As far as friends, I always feel that a true friend will be there regardless and no one should be able to convince them otherwise. Those people you definitely don’t need. Just remain strong and humble and relief will soon come to you.

  5. overactive ovaries says:

    ((hugs)) I would encourage you to start hanging out with your girl friends more often. Maybe pick up a new hobby to distract you from the boy. Eventually you’ll meet a really great guy, be patient and work on you while it happens.

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