Ok I know I havent wrote in a very long time but I have a good reason.
My laptop broke and so did my iphone and i couldnt get on with using my ipad on the wordpress app so im nowing borrowing my nans laptop when ever i can.
When I last blogged I was living with ian and not talking to my family and I had also started a new job which I was really enjoying.
ok well when I first started my job I love it as I got on well with everybody and my boss seemed really nice, but after the first month they all started to treat me like crap and I was so unhappy there but u thought it would get better when I had been there longer but it really didn’t and then after I had been working there for two months and I noticed my bosses were having privet chats and also I saw my work were advertising a job that was exactly like mine and I knew I was going to lose my job so I started working even harder and applying for other jobs just in case. then on friday the 13th of July a friend of mine rang me and told me she was in hospital and really needed me so I told my work and they let me take some of the day off and I went and visited her and then about one o’clock I went back to work and they were acting really funny with me. then at the end of the day my boss asked if she could have a word and then told me that they were having to let me go as they didn’t feel it was working out even tho I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was completely heart-broken as I really did try my best at that job and even spent hundreds of pounds on clothes for the office just to make sure I looked how they wanted.
When I told Ian he was really sweet about it and couldn’t have been more supportive. but I was so upset as I had felt like everything had been going wrong as me and Ian had been arguing constantly and then I lost my job and I was missing my family really bad.
So when I got a message from Kyle telling me he wanted to talk to me about whats been happening with my family I was keen to have someone to chat to. we met up at a pub and chatted for a while and then it got really late and I ended up missing my bus home and had to ask Ian if he would be able to come and pick me up and he kicked off massively and we ended up arguing and so I called my mum and asked her if she would help me leave Ian and come back home as I was really missing family and wanted them back. and then a couple of nights later me and Ian were having a movie night and I had asked Kyle not to text me when I was with Ian as I didn’t want him to find out I was talking to my family and old friends again as it would have caused arguments. But Kyle wouldn’t listen and kept texting me and Ian ended up seeing it and accusing me of cheating and we had a massive argument were he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore and so his mum who was standing there listening to it all turned round and asked me to give them there key back.
but that night we ended up talking and I realised I really didn’t want to lose him and I tried getting him to want to stay together but he really didn’t want to. then the next day after I had packed all my bags and was ready to leave his ex girlfriend text me asking for me to meet her in town so that we could have a chat as I had contacted her to find out what had really happened between them but he saw us together and I didn’t admit it when he asked me if I had seen her and then we ended up arguing because I had lied to him.
we ended up saying good-bye to each other and it was so hard to walk away from him and we were still texting and speaking on the phone every now and again and I ended up texting him telling him that I wanted him back and that I really loved him and we ended up agreeing to start again but then about a week later I found out that I was pregnant and so we booked a doctor’s appointment and they confirmed it that we were having a baby and then after my first mid wife appointment we were round his house and his mum hinted that she didnt believe me that I was pregnant and then when I asked Ian he said he wanted to see a scan just to be sure.
I was so hurt that I just left the house in tears and then I got texts off him mum having ago at me and then he text me telling me he didnt want anything to do with me and that he never wanted to be with me again and it broke my heart, because I really wanted to be with him and only walked out because I was so upset about him questioning are baby. and then about a week later I asked him if we could just sort things out because whats the point of ending it because of an argument but he told me that there’s no way he will ever get back with me again and now im really hurting because all I want is to have a little family with him and not be a single mum. i really love him but he doesn’t want me anymore.
but then I went to the doctors about some pains I was having and they sent me for an emergency scan up at the hospital and so I found a way to contact Ian and when he came to the scan they couldn’t find the baby and I was in tears and he was hugging me and kissing me and I just wish I could get that from him all the time. they then preformed a internal ultrasound and found the baby but it just looked like a black circle and they told me that it looks like im only three weeks pregnant or that the baby isn’t growing properly and that they would give me another scan in two weeks time to make sure everything is ok.
then me and Ian decided to go for a coffee and talk and we were getting on really well but he insisted that he didn’t want me back and then on the way home we ended up arguing about the baby’s last night as I don’t want to use his last name as im already going to be a young single mother and it will look even worse when I have to take the child to school I don’t want the baby to have a different name to me.
But the argument was getting out of hand so I asked him to pull over and he started driving like an idiot and making sure that when he turned the corner I got slammed into the door and also he then braked suddenly so that I went forward into the dash bored and then when I got out the car we were saying a few choice words to each other and then he drove off like an idiot and I havent heard anything since.
But im desperate to text or phone him and just talk to him but im fed up of always being the one who ends up texting or calling him first as all I do is run around after him and he doesn’t care or he would want me back.
So at the moment im restraining my self from contacting him and begging him back im just hoping soon I can stop caring about him and just weak someone nice who wants to be there for me and the baby and be a proper family. but I really don’t think im going to find anyone like that as seen as the guys who live here are all idiots.
I’m not going to stop Ian from coming to the appointment but if he doesn’t contact me about it or come then iv decided that me and this baby will be better off without him because if he really cares for this baby then he will make sure that he is there for the appointment that will tell him if are baby is going to be ok.
I am really worried tho as I havent had any signs im pregnant apart from lots of pains in my tummy and I don’t know how I could only be 3 weeks pregnant as I was getting positive pregnancy test results only two/ three weeks ago so that’s impossible and I had a period about four/ five weeks ago and they usually count it from that.