hardest decision of my life.

i know they say everything happens for a reason but i cant work out the reason for me getting pregnant and then having no choice but to have a abortion. all i have been wondering is how can life be so cruel sometimes. i would love to have my baby and own my own house and get married to Ian but that’s just not going to happen right now and its not like i wasn’t careful because i was and i hate how i have to make this decision because all i want to do it be able to enjoy this pregnancy enjoy feeling my baby growing inside me and then i want to bring it into the world and hold my little baby in my arms and protect it from the world. i want to watch him/her grow from a baby to a adult and i cant because I’m only 17 and that’s not the right time to have a baby nor is Ian ready because he still has his whole life to live and i don’t want to ruin it. also we don’t have anywhere to live because my parents have already said if i decide to keep the baby i have to move out and i don’t have any money at the moment to rent or buy my own place also baby’s are very expensive and i would have the money to get any of the baby things.

recently every time i think of what i have to do this Thursday i keep thinking how could i be so selfish stopping a baby from living just because i want to live my life a bit more, what gives me the right to make this decision about a little baby’s life. i don’t want to go through with it but i have no choice and i just hope that this baby knows that even tho i am not having it it was never not wanted and i i would have loved to bring it in to this world but i couldn’t give it all the things it deserves and i am not ready to look after a baby and would be a UN fit mother so what I’m doing isn’t because my baby is unloved it is because i wouldn’t want to give my baby a bad life.

also today i finished my affair with Toni because i love Ian and i don’t want to hurt him  i want to be faithful and i want to be with him for a very long time so i wish Toni all the best in his life but i really don’t care if i never have to see him again because i don’t have any feelings for him and i don’t love him any more i can know say I’m officially over Toni and will never ever be in a relationship or even get up set or pine over him ever again.

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13 Responses to hardest decision of my life.

  1. Marianne says:

    Annabella, your post is heartbreaking, because it sounds like you have no support at all. I know how you are feeling, but know that you don’t have the power to ruin anyone’s life – it takes 2 to make a baby, and this is your boyfriend’s problem too (do not let him blame this on you – birth control can fail, and he took that risk). Your parents are wrong to turn you away – I’m a single mom, and I would never do that to my little girl. We are to love our children unconditionally, and your parents aren’t doing that if they will not support you, even if they don’t agree with you or are unhappy with the way you are living your life. Do you have anyone who can give you some support, either emotionally or financially? Have you considered giving the baby up for adoption? I’m not judging you in any way, whatever you decide, just please consider all of your options, since you’ll have to deal with the effects of whatever decision you make, and none of them are easy. Just know that someone out here cares about you and will be praying that you find the support and love that you deserve. You do have choices, and you are NOT selfish, just scared and overwhelmed. You are not alone.

  2. kaylakakes says:

    You are young, but having to make some very grown up choices. I know this would probably be too hard for you since you actually want the baby, but adoption is always an option too. But not everyone has it in them to give their baby away. I am a mother and I can’t image having to give my daughter to someone else to raise. However, I have friends who couldn’t conceive and they were able to adopt from someone in a similar situation as you, and they are great parents. In the end, you have to make the best decision for yourself. I hope you eventually have a better support system in your life. I wish you all the best. Keep writing.

  3. You are going through something immensely difficult, I am so sorry for you, Try to find people to keep around you that you can draw strength from, Stay strong.

  4. Ibi says:

    Abortation :/ Just hate this word…
    Stay Strong

  5. jacqui says:

    There is no one in this world who has the right to judge any decision you make. Um I’m a Mother of 7 & I had a full-term stillbirth, my head cant get round abortion. I hope you have time to think things through. Whatever you decide please make sure you can live with it. Johnny Depp once said if you love 2 people chose the 2nd. If you really loved the 1st you wouldnt have fell for the 2nd?? Makes sense to me. I’m not your Mum but if I was I would be saying make any decisions from your heart. Big hugs xx

  6. Annabella: I certainly understand the difficult choice you are making. And I respect you for thinking it through. Because it sounds like you have. You may be 17, but you seem to understand that having and keeping a baby is probably not the best idea at your age. Raising a family is really hard — even with two, educated, well-employed parents. Sleep deprivation adds a whole level of stress to everything. I hope you have some real life friends upon whom you can rely. Wishing you strength and the confidence to believe you are doing the right thing.

  7. Annabella, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could have you over to my house and talk with you and help you through this. Look around for people who would be willing to help you. You don’t have to go through your pregnancy alone.If you can’t keep and raise your baby, you would be giving a wonderful gift to someone who could if you chose adoption. Love, Karona.

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