I know I haven’t blogged in a while but it’s been Because I haven’t been able to work out what’s been going on in my own head at the moment, never mind being able to write in down.
Lately iv not been feeling like my self- I feel like I start going forward with my life and then something will pull me back again.
I start getting over Toni and feel ok and then I will really start missing him and thinking about him and then I can’t get him out of my head.
The thing is I really like Ian and I’m starting to get really serious about him and I don’t like the fact that I can’t get Toni out of my head, because of Ian was still hung up on his ex that would make me feel awful.
I just wish that I could delete all memories of Toni because I just want to be able to move on its been like six months and I should be totally over it now but I’m not.
And iv been feeling like I’m going a little bit crazy in my own head and I don’t feel like I can really talk to anybody about it.
Some days I am so happy and I feel like I’m gonna go far in life if I just put the effort in and then other days I feel like the world would be so much better off without me and I feel like everybody is always talking about me in the bad way and every time someone looks at me I feel like there thinking about all the things that are wrong with me or that there just thinking bad about me and it makes me feel really bad about my self.
So I booked a doctors appointment for today and I was running so late and missed the appointment but I feel like maybe I could be suffering with depression or anxiety, but every time someone asks me how I feel in my head when I try and talk to them about it I feel like if I tell them the truth then they might think I’m attention seeking or even that I’m crazy.
It’s such a horrible feeling as I want to be able to speak to my loved ones but I can’t find the words every time I try.