I couldn’t help my self today I went through all the picture I have of me and toni and I cant help but laugh we were so happy at certain points of the relationship and even in the pictures you can tell how much we loved each other and it makes me smile and wish I could just go back to those points in time.
I know in every relationship theres up and down but we had a lot of very good times together and I really want them back. I just wish I had taken a hell of a lot more pictures just so I could look back and remember all the good times.
the thing with me and toni was that we really did love each other we were first loves and we had so much passion in the relationship and all you had to do was look at us and see that we were crazy about each other in every picture we look so happy.
and I worry that I may never find that again as I don’t have it with ian and it will be very hard to find someone who is so kind and funny and forgiving and who enjoys life as much as toni did. I know that there are lots of people in the world and its very likely that I will one day meet someone similar to him but it just wouldn’t be the same.
I miss how no matter where we were toni just wanted to show everyone how much he loved me and I could just be my self with him and never had to worry about him seeing the bad in me, also we could just act like big kids and piss about no matter where we were and I really wish that ian could be like that just lighten up and have a laugh.
its like toni used to be really silly and make me laugh so much that I would cry and no one can make me laugh as much as he did and he could tickle me and put in hysterics and no one can tickle me, not even a little bit just him.
I know im only remembering the good things and im forgetting how much he hurt me but iv forgiven him for all the hurt he caused me and know I just wish I could walk up to him and give him the biggest hug in the world and just kiss him and never let go of him again.
at the moment I would do ANYTHING in the world to get him back even if just for one day.