Today I was cuddling Ian and I started to think wether I could have a future with him, every day that I spend with him I’m learning to love him and I know I said I didn’t want to be with him for ever and that he was only a rebound guy but I can feel my falling for him.
So I asked him what he wanted out of life and he just said a good job and kids one day, so I asked how long he would want children and he said five years and I was like ok.
As I already know that I’m ready for children but I want to be married and completely in love with the person I choose to have the babies with, I know that doesn’t always happen and just because I’m married to them and love them at the time doesn’t mean it will always stay that way, but even I we did get a divorce I would know that at one point in time that person was special to me.
And that’s what I’m waiting for and he doesn’t seem to be that bothered about this relationship working out and It’s making me think that maybe he is still in love with his ex girlfriend because he will talk about her all the time and that’s exactly what I do with Toni and that’s because I still love him and he is always on my mind.
I know I was going to use Ian as a rebound but I don’t want to be the one that gets used as I made it clear to him how I felt at the time when I got with him and he said he didn’t think about her and couldn’t care less but maybe that’s just What he wants it to be, maybe he doesn’t want to be thinking about her so he is saying those things to make him self feel better.
If he is still in love with his ex girlfriend I would like him to tell me and then that way I could help him get over her instead of him hiding it from me.
I also think that she has messed with his head so much and that he now has some big trust issues and because of this he doesn’t want me to go out drinking and partying and I understand that’s not his fault she did this to him but I’m only young and I want to go out and live my life and I love to party and it’s not like I even get that drunk anyway.
It worries me sometime that maybe he is a bit to controlling and I’m going to turn into a victim and go through what all my sisters and cousins have been through and I don’t want that.
It’s like last night I was speaking to my sister Becky and she invited me on a girls holiday and I said if I could get the money together I would go, but when I told Ian all excited he was like oh right well I don’t really want you to go as I don’t trust them not to corrupt you and turn you into one of them. And then he was like and anyways I want you to come on holiday with me if you do find the money to I somewhere as I would prefer to have you where I can see you.
Know to me this is really controlling and I don’t like it as its a holiday with my sister and sure enough a relationship is all about trust and he should trust me to be able to go on a girls holiday without cheating on him.