today I got a text from Kyle asking me to go to the pub around the corner usually I say im busy because he always tries it on and I only want him as a friend now, but this time I thought I would go because I was bored and I needed a friend to just have a laugh with. it was really nice seeing him and there was no funny business and we just had a laugh about the old days.
but when it came to telling ian that I had gone to the pub with Kyle I didn’t want to tell him because I know that he doesn’t like me having any contact with Kyle because of the fact that I had an affair with him when I was with toni.
but I have been friends with Kyle for years and wouldn’t want to lose the friendship I have with him for a boyfriend who I don’t think I will be with for very long. I was telling Kyle how jealous and controlling ian can be and he was saying that if he tries anything with me in the nasty way he will not be very happy and he will not put up with me being treated wrong as he is very protective of me.
that made me feel nice because I have always known that Kyle has a soft spot for me and he has told me in the past that he loves me and I feel the same there is feelings for him there and im very fond of him. the reason we never got together tho is because Kyle is a very short-tempered guy and he doesn’t put up with any shit and im not the kind of girl to go out with a boy like that, also I wouldn’t want to ruin are friendship by trying to make a relationship out of are feelings.
also im still having some very weird dreams about toni and other people around me there not sexual just very hurtful, so I decided I would make a dream journal to record all my dreams as soon as I wake up and then I will write them down and at the end of each month I will search the internet to see what they all mean.
always I was very distant with ian today and felt quite guilty because he text me to say that he had done well in his darts game and all I put was ( yay!! love ya xxx) and I realised I was being a bit of a bitch and then he text me saying (I think I deserve a treat ) and I was like haha I agree baby what do you think your treat should be…. and he put ( a piccy of how much you love me) so I decided to make it up to him I would a load of paper together and write a bit I with a massive red love heart… YOU THIS MUCH !!! and then sent him the picture as I knew it would make him smile.
I like to make him smile and I like making him happy and that’s why im still with him even tho he can be very jealous and controlling. im not the kind of person that will put up with that in a relationship as im a very bossy person and I like making all the decisions and I like to have my partners wrapped around my little finger and with ian its the other way around and that’s what makes him the perfect rebound guy because he takes me out of my comfort zone and is giving me new life experiences.