all contact removed.

yesterday I decided to delete my Facebook account because I knew otherwise I knew I wouldn’t get over toni because I was able to go on his Facebook page and see what he was up too and it wasnt helping me and I knew if I blocked him I would just keep unblocking him and looking or going on his friends Facebook’s to see pictures of him and I have known deleted his number.

I hoped maybe that would help me stop thinking about him because i need to deal with the break up, I was the one to leave so its time to stop obsessing. i will reactivate it when I know that im over him.

iv always but everything into my new relationship with ian because I feel maybe I have been out-of-order for starting a relationship with him knowing I was still in love with toni. I decided to start being my self and I also realised are sex life is rubbish because I wasnt making any effort and he was right when he said I should put a little more effort into starting sex off.

so I sent him a saucy picture and a very sexy text and it worked because we were sexting all night last night and it made us closer and I liked it very much. but later on that night we decided we would cam through msn because we weren’t gonna see each other for a little while and we were just pissing about and we started off saying all the things we wanted to do to each other again and then when I logged of he asked for a video of me masturbating and I wasnt to comfortable with it but I thought hay its good to get out of your comfort zone once in a while and so earlier on today I filmed my self but I knew it was a mistake as soon as I did it because it didn’t make me feel sexy or wanted at all it made me feel disgusting and cheap.

I know I want to put everything into this relationship but if I don’t want to do something it’s not my fault I cant help being very self conscious about sex and I always have been, it’s not like I have actually slept with a lot of people but the three that I have iv only felt comfortable with one of them and that was toni, the first person I was ever with and he was the one who tought me everything but I guess I got used to what he liked and so when I went on top of ian for the first time I wasnt into it at all I felt like I didn’t know anything and I froze and got scared which was really weird.

I decided to do some research for when I would try again but didn’t find the internet very helpful and I wasnt going to sit and watch dirty porn video because it’s all fake and just vile that people would sell them self.

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3 Responses to all contact removed.

  1. sandrabranum says:

    Be careful girl; remember whatever you do and share can come back to “bite you in the butt” especially if you ever become rich and famous. Just think of Paris Hilton and you’ll know what I mean.

  2. If you are looking for information and not porn you can go to They have all kinds of info you can read about on there and also have some cartoon demonstrations to show you what they mean. Lots of information. good luck.

  3. wordangell says:

    Never cheapen yourself to please a guy, they think differently to the way us girls do, be true to yourself – always .

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