ok it’s been quite a while since I last bogged and that’s because I thought that if I stopped writing about it and tried to deal with all my problems by talking about them instead.
I stared going to counseling and I found that really helped as I can’t talk to family and I knew I couldn’t just keep it all bottled up inside.
it’s not been easy but I have finally been able to sort my head out.
Im not sure when everything just clicked in my head as one day I just woke up and realised I didn’t care about Ian anymore.
I started going out drinking every weekend with friends that I met up school and at first it wasn’t good for me as I was just drinking away my problems and I started to get so drunk that I didn’t know what was going on around me and then I met a guy called matie who was really good friends with one of my friends and we ended up talking over Facebook and meeting up at first it was just as friends until one night we were out drink in a club and the song we found lo’ve by rhianna came on and we started dancing and then we ended up kissing.
I went back to his that night and we just layed in bed fully clothed just cuddling and chatting. after that night I started spending a lot of time with him as just friends and it was so nice to just spend time with someone who didn’t know what I was going through. we got really close for awhile until one night when I was round his we ended up sleeping together and then I found out he had a girlfriend and felt awful and stopped spending time with him as I didnt want it to happen again.
a couple of days later a close friend of mine admitted she had been sleeping with him for a couple of weeks and was really upset because he didn’t want to speak to her again and so I ended up having an argument with him the next time I saw him uptown telling him that he had made it awkward for me as I couldn’t tell my friend what I had done as it would have broke her heart and I didn’t want to be keeping a secret from her.
after I stopped speaking to him I actually realised that all the time I had spent with him had actually helped me get over the part few months, so even tho he made me angry for lying to me I feel grateful for how he helped me.
I’ve been working for my mum for about three months now and I love it. I get on with all the girls in the office and don’t want to leave as its the best job I’ve ever had. I will be very sad to leave when they have caught up with all the work and no longer need me.
when me and Kyle broke up we agreed to never speak again and that really hurt as he was such a good friend and I had known him for years. then out of the blue I got a text off him saying sorry. I accepted the apology but said he had really hurt me so I don’t think we could ever go back to big friends. but then one night I ended up ringing him and going to his flat to talk.
I saw how much he had changed and when he begged me to give him another chance I agreed and things were going so well until tonight when he went all depressive saying he didn’t want to live any more as he didn’t have anything left to be happy about and just kept going on about how much he has fucked his life up.
I know that he has been through alot through out his life but I don’t know if my head can handle looking after someone else when it’s only just got better. I don’t want to abandon him as I promised I would be there for him no matter what. but I don’t want to take my self back to how I used to be when I’m finally happy within my self.